My experience of being in rehab for the last two weeks, after 20-plus years of addiction…Basically just being a man child.
Upon entering Somewhere House I was full of fear, anxiety and doubts.
The first few days were daunting and I was struck by how much further along my peers seemed to be in their journey…Well, compared to how I felt anyway.
This further fuelled my doubts and fed in to my anxiety, I literally asked myself questions every time I was in the mirror “Am I doing this?” “Can I do this?’
The fact that these people were being so honest about themselves and each other, coupled with the fact that it feels like less of an institution and more of a house…No, a home.
This helped me to relax a little bit more, my anxiety levels were still through the roof but I suppose that’s to be expected seem as I’d never really talked about my emotions or even acknowledged them myself, I only reacted with anger and/or suppressed my emotions with drugs.
Finally I spoke in group about the anxiety I felt ABOUT speaking in group, and things flowed from there. I realised that my fears were totally unfounded and after sharing these I felt lighter and more comfortable in my own skin.
I have to remind myself that I’m not on road (the street) now, and I don’t have to protect myself as I have always tried to out there. I have so much support around me from people who know exactly what I’ve been through, Staff and peers. I would be ripping myself off if I didn’t unload all my stuff here, and bound to relapse.
I feel grateful for being here now and although it’s a long way off, I’m optimistic and confident moving forward in to the future.